Sleep Number

**Disclosure: Sleep Number provided me a bed in exchange for a review. However, all opinions are my own**

Have you ever been to a Sleep Number store?

I hadn't prior to my visit and I had no idea what to expect.
I have been to other mattress stores where you walk in, lay on a few beds, and leave.

Sleep Number is not like this at all!

I went in and explained to the staff why I was there and they were so excited! The entire staff went with us through the process of choosing our bed and loved hearing about my blog and my journeys in life. I seriously felt like a celebrity!

They had me lay on  bed with a computer attached to show where I am the heaviest, then dropped me down to my sleep number to show the change in pressure on my body. The bottom part was the biggest relief ever on my lower back, I honestly couldn't believe how great it felt!

This is the bed we ultimately chose, if only we could have afforded that adjustable base ;)

It was seriously heavenly, I may just have a secret savings fund for that sucker!

These were the two beds we were able to choose from,

The M7

and The P5

This is just half the staff that we were with that day. I cannot stress enough how much I have loved everyone I met while working with this company, both in person and through email and phone conversations!

Painful Memories

The other day I was getting ready for work in my bathroom,

our bathroom has mirrors almost every direction you turn,

and I caught a glimpse of my stomach and told Dustin that it looked like a "mom belly".

C'mon, you know what I mean. Kinda saggy, stretched skin, stretch marks.

And he turns and says, "Well you are a mom."

For some strange reason it came as a surprise that he considers me a mom.

I thought I was the only one who thought of me as a mom.

I don't get to carry my babies with me, and show them off.

They're only in my heart and mind.

I was with some friends the other day and they said,

"Well you wouldn't understand because you're not a mom."

And my heart broke right then and there.

Maybe I'm not actually a mom.

She said so herself.

via

It's crazy how a contant battle in my own mind is if I am a mom or not.

I know I am.

I carried those babies.

I birthed those babies.

I may not have them here with me, 

My house may not be filled with toys,

I may not have to buy baby items,

but they are my babies. 

And I am a mom.

Sometimes people tell me that my miscarriages were a blessing in disguise.

I'm only 21, I'm too young to have kids.

I barely have enough to cover bills and rent, how could I afford a child?

But my life would change so dramatically if I had my children. They would always come first no matter what.

My babies dying and being in heaven instead of here on Earth is not a blessing. Not one bit.

I've battled with this for several years now,

but I just step back and remember,

I am a Mom.

And to all babyloss momma's who may be reading this,

You are a Mom too.

Distractions

If you check out my blog on a regular basis, it would look like I fell off the face of the Earth.

In reality between all of lifes distractions, Social Media has taken over my only online life.

I am back now, and hopefully I don't leave again for months and months at a time, but if I were you I would head on over to my sidebar and follow me on Instagram&Twitter, I am only slightly addicted!

If you check back in tomorrow, I will give you a slight peek inside our new apartment!
I am thrilled to share all the DIY's as I decorate with junk i collect on a budget :)

It never changes

Press Play on that little sucker,

and then continue reading :)

When I was younger, my Dad died,

8 days after I turned 11, I didn't really know how to handle it.

It messed me up for years.

Anytime I got sad, for any reason,

my mind always went to my Dad,

and the sadness grew.

So what did I do?

Bottle it up.

Keep on going.

Stick a smile on my face.

Eventually it blew up in my face,

bad choices led to me wanting to end my life,

[you can read about it here and here]

and I started to learn that sometimes you have to let it out.

Do you have a specific song that gets you every time?

The song above gets me no matter what.

But now, everything leads me to my dad,

and my daughter.

Something I never thought I would say.

My Dad and my daughter are both in heaven.

Both looking down on me.

I'm happy he is with her,

but I'm miserable that they both aren't with me.

I'm learning to let things out, 

don't let it all build up until I see no way out.

And you help with that.

You read my posts,

you comment, 

you spread encouragement through social media,

you build relationships,

you give me reason.

Thank you.

When it all fell down...

...literally!

Dustin and I share the master bedroom of the trailer.

(We live here with my mom & her girlfriend)

We have the only closet in the house.

I let my mom's girlfriend use it,

I use it,

Dustin uses it,

Our board games live here,

most of my baby stuff lives here.

And well,

my closet decided it was DONE.

At 5 am it decided to come down,

every.last.thing.

Dustin and I woke up convinced that someone broke in and we were going to die.

I'm not sure how much of a relief the mess was ;)

The photo above is after an hour of cleaning and getting the shelf to barely hang there while empty.

Pain in my butt.

Excuse me in motion, looking quite the mess.

But this is what our room ended up looking like.

A disaster.

A headache.

A money hungry closet.

I did the only thing I knew how,

called Grandpa.

He always saves the day.

He is pretty amazing.

My closet is not fixed, but it is standing!

And next month we are tearing everything out and installing some new shelves and rods and cabinets!

Is this how you know you are growing up?

When closet organizing becomes exciting?

Anyways, life only gets better from here ;)

Time for the Grades!

As mentioned in yesterdays post,

I am going to let you in on my true feelings on the 

Perfectly Posh products I tried.

How much are they?

Do I plan on actually buying any?

Well first,

here is a little bit about Perfectly Posh and why I think they are a great company.

 They're paraben-free and paraffin-free

• They are free of sulfates including SLS

• They have no gluten, lanolin, or soy ingredients

• They use the highest-quality essential oils and fine phthalate-free fragrances

• They are very natural and consequently gentle: read our labels, please!

• They use natural enzymes and gently moisturizing vitamin E to preserve the life and look of our fun pampering products

• They're cruelty-free and do not test on animals!

copied directly from here

Isn't that amazing!?

Now for the nitty-gritty.

Gender Bender : A+

 I am seriously in love with this soap. Perfect for the oily skin issues I have always dealt with. I plan to buy this immediately. $9 per bar

The Stripper : B 

I love this, it made my face crazy soft, and it smells good. A full container would last me ages because I would use it once or maybe twice a week. I will be buying this. However, the only reason it doesn't have an A? It's $22 per container

The Liberator : C 

To no fault of it's own, it was difficult to get a good amount out of the sample container. I either barely got any or I got a huge glob. I used it twice around my eyes and didn't really notice much. I will not be purchasing this, however if it had done anything for me, I think that it's priced fair. $12 for a stick

Sugar Fix : A

I loved this stuff. It smelled delicious, and it made my face even softer than with The Stripper alone. It's a sugar scrub and it felt good on my face, I felt clean and refreshed afterwards. I will not be purchasing this, even though I love it. It is $20 per container

I'm Baaaaacck!

I have taken the longest bloggy break ever.

seriously.

I have missed this!

[Right now I am most likely sitting in the middle of an interview! Good luck and prayers are needed!]

I have a bunch of posts I want to write, but I thought I would start with something super fun.

Like,

Perfectly Posh maybe?

I honestly don't even remember how we bumped into each other online,

but an awesome Perfectly Posh consultant sent me some samples.

I have had them for quite a while but have yet to try them because I got hit with bronchitis. 

Then the flu. 

Then a cold.

No joke, I was out for 2 or 3 weeks from this stuff!

Anyways, back to the good stuff.

She sent me a bunch of things, but I have only tried a few.

First up was the Gender Bender bar.

This stuff was heaven.

Not an exaggeration.

Pure bliss, I tell ya!

I have ridiculously oily skin,

like sometimes even after I shower and wash my face it is still oily.

After I used this it was perfect. 

Guys, my face has never not been oily.

After washing with this for a few days,

I have noticed a huge improvement with the oil.

No more washing my face 5 times a day!

After using the Gender Bender soap,

I tried out The Stripper.

(aren't you the tiniest bit interested because of the names alone? ha!)

You rub this on your face and let it sit for a while.

(like long enough to take the polish off your fingers and toes!)

I was warned it would tingle a little,

and tingle it does!

I was worried at first 

(I'm overly paranoid)

thinking maybe I was allergic,

This is how it looks once on.

Sexy huh?

Dustin thought this would be a perfect time to let me know how unattractive face masks are.

However he did say it smelled good :)

Once I took it off, my face was BABY BUTT smooth.

I was so excited I ran around my whole house and made everyone feel...

..they were not as excited.

I then hopped in the shower, 

but once I got out I put on some

Sugar Fix Scrub!

This stuff not only smells delicious,

but added to the softness of my skin!

If it were edible, 

I would surely sneak a taste.

Did I seriously say that out loud?

Finally I put on some of 

The Liberator

It's a vitamin E stick you use around your eyes.

It feels similar to chapstick ;)

Now that I have shared the most unattractive photo of me,

and talked non stop about beauty products,

you're probably wondering how much and if I liked them,

huh?

Well, I guess you will need to stop back by tomorrow and find out!

;)