Saturday, November 10, 2012

Sometimes, there are only words.

Hi babygirl.

Mommy misses you terribly.

Right before I lost you, I got to the point where I found myself touching my belly without meaning to.

I miss that. I miss you.

This would be your first holiday season. 

You would be crawling!

How crazy is that thought?

I hope you're having fun up there with your grandpa.

Ha, grandpa. Something you wouldn't have if you were here with me.

I know he is taking great care of you, he took great care of me.

You are in my mind all the time.

Since Arianna has been here, I let her wear your clothes sometimes.

She is so stinking cute in them! I know you would be too.

I bet you'd have mommy's blonde hair :)

I don't buy you things anymore, but I cherish my suitcase full of your things.

You influence my daily life, I will make a difference for you Izzy.

I promise, I have to make you proud(and grandpa!).

I hope you look down on me and are thankful that I'm your mommy.

I love you beautiful.

Love,
your heartbroken momma 

Thursday, November 8, 2012

'tis the season!

Every year I host something we call Cookie Bake,
we have a secret santa,

make tons of goodies(that everyone gets to take home)
make new friendships,

have fun.


But do you know what it takes to host one of these?
Money.
Time.
Commitment.
Passion.

It's hard, 
but it is worth every second and penny in the end!

This is the first year I will be sharing it all with you,
but I am the most excited for this one!


I will show you the decor, the gifts, the recipes!
Everything.

Do you have any ideas?!

Monday, October 29, 2012

365 Project

Once Arie got here,
Her mommy and I decided that we wanted to take a photo of her every day for the first year.

On her first birthday I am planning on doing something special with the photos,
any ideas? :)



At the end of each month, I will post the entire months worth to reflect on!



Saturday, October 27, 2012

Better late than never

She's here!

Arianna Nicole-Eleanor

made her appearance on October 9, 2012.

I would give you all the wonderful details, but that's for another post ;)

 Mommy, and Arie.
Beautiful girls!
 Baby X and Baby A
<3
Ignore our appearances, her having a baby affects my looks too okay!?
;)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Won't Back Down

Over the weekend Ashlee and I went to see a movie.
and boy oh boy do I have some things to talk about!


You see, lately I had been thinking of giving up on my dream to become a teacher.
Things weren't falling into place as they should,
it was one thing after another.
I had begun to think this was my sign to start heading a different way.

And then,
this movie.

This movie made me feel the passion I have for teaching like I have never felt it before.
This movie put the love back in me.
I know why I want to be a teacher,
I remember the reason this is worth it.

No matter the hardships,
  my students will make up for it.
Always.


I am constantly telling myself that I'm not good enough.
I have a nonstop battle in my mind.

But I am working on it.
Right now I want to say,
I am good enough.
You are good enough.

Never give up on your dreams.
Ever.
They are your dreams for a reason.

I know I have been a bad blogger lately, 
but I'm trying to change.
I'm trying to change many things in my life,
and I am excited to share them with you :)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Canvas Nursery Art!

About a month ago we had a craft party!
We all brought snacks, made punch, and ordered pizza.
Each one of us brought the supplies for a craft to share with the others.

This one was our canvas art project, 
we decided to use paint&glitter and come up with something awesome :)
 My canvas is the black one in the bottom right.
You know, the one sopping wet with paint.
Oops.
But the Nursery one I made is the gray one above mine.

I used masking tape to put the letters
X + A
on it.
[Xavier and Arianna]


Then I covered the entire thing with mod podge,
dumped a TON of glitter on it and waited a few minutes.
Once I peeled the tape off this is what we saw. 
[For the glitter part we did it inside a cookie sheet so we could save extra and not make a huge mess]


Here is the final product!
All cleaned up and sealed on.

What was the verdict with mommy?
She loved it!

Friday, September 21, 2012

Learning new things

 My aunt started dabbling into cake decorating and fondant in the past year,
and somehow that turned in to me dabbling by her side ;)

This is a cake we made for my niece Brenna's second birthday!

Sure it could be better,
but I love it!
It's cuter than your average cake,
but not as expensive as a fancy one!

Not to mention it's fun.

The best part though is the look on her face :)


This past weekend my nephew Caleb turned 5!
I have a few posts in store for his birthday,
including his Super Mario cake!

The next post about Jay Brannan's concert is coming soon!
And TWO giveaways for a total of THREE winners!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Shadows

Just popping in for a quick Photo Challenge!


The theme is 
Shadows
&I just love how you can see ours behind us <3



Oh and in case you hadn't heard,
there was a little announcement on facebook about
a giveaway!
With TWO winners!

Friday, September 7, 2012

A Little Curious

I have a BIG announcement.

But first, a little random facts about me.

I'm terrified of butterflies.
  I moved 12 hours away to live with my boyfriend of 5 months.
 I can't wait to have babies, I would tomorrow if possible.
  90% of my family is not even related to me.
 Ashlee and I have a VERY unhealthy friendship :) We like it that way!
 To this day, Simple Plan is my favorite band.
My guilty pleasure is watching chick flicks.
I won't let my feet hang off the bed because of the "monster" underneath.
 I can successfully go through many levels of COD without ever shooting, it's a gift :)
I was adopted.
My mom is a lesbian, my dad was gay. :D:D
 I refuse to let anyone see my feet without my toenails painted.
Favorite 2 teachers, Ms. Daniels & Mrs. Crumm(who will have their own appearances on here!)
I was a debate geek in high school, and I miss it more than you can imagine.
My favorite books to read are about death/suicide/depression/drugs.
I hated popcorn until my boy's mom ate it all the time and I started to.
I was the messiest person until I had no job, no school, and no life. Now I'm a neat freak.
I hate Jim Carey, Jack Black, and Jane Lynch.
I plan to become a teacher because of my love for kids.
Monopoly=my game.

Now for the announcement....

In November I will be opening a shop!
I'm not going in to many details right now,
but I will let you know,

 it is going to have a Baby Loss line <3
its going to have ever changing content,
(of course I'll keep some things constant,
and it's called....

A Little Curious!

I can't wait to share more with you :)





Friday, August 31, 2012

Bleached Shirts and Music!

At the end of July,
I went to a Jay Brannan concert.
Don't know who he is? 
Go check him out!!
<3

Anyways, I have sold Jay's merch for him every time he comes to Columbus and plays, 
so of course I wanted to sell it for him this time as well!
&He always lets me bring a +1 which is awesome since I don't drive!

This year he was being lazy super busy
and didn't have time to order shirts for the show.

So what do Ashlee & I do?
Make our own!

Here's a quick DIY!

CAUTION!
IF ALLERGIC TO BLEACH THIS MAY NOT BE THE ACTIVITY FOR YOU!
[we both are...we're rebels]

Supplies:
Cardboard(for in between the layers of the shirt!)
Bleach Pen
Something to tie shirts down with
Shirt!

Directions:
1. Tie shirts down with 1 side on each part of cardboard.
2.Draw/Write on shirt with bleach pen!
3.Let sit for a few hours (ours sat for almost 12!)
4.Wash in a normal cycle-ALONE!
5.Wear&Enjoy!

The front of my shirt.
Lyrics from:
Back of my shirt.

Front of Ashlee's shirt.
Lyrics from:

Back of Ashlee's shirt.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Sometimes and Always...

I've been seeing this idea floating around the blogosphere and decided to finally do it!


Sometimes...

...I wonder why I have no friends.
...I wish I was more "in" with blogging.
...I get random bouts of confidence(and love it!!)


Always...

...I am thankful for my friends and family.
...I'm in love with Dustin, despite the distance and hardships!
...I am proud of this little blog, and what has come from it.
...I am happy I have you!


Here's a few photos of what's been going on in my world!

Saying Goodbye to the New Grads!
 Ice cream savior during power outages!
Baby Arie a few months back, 2 months and she will be here!
(BFF's baby, not mine!)

Friday, August 10, 2012

Will my battle ever end?

I feel like I am constantly at war with myself.
At war with society.
At war with family, friends, maybe even you?

I don't know where I stand on many issues in life,
I really don't.

I know I'm young, I'm only 20.
But by 20, shouldn't I have my own set of beliefs?
Should I still be changing my beliefs like middle school crushes?

I've written about this before here.

But this time I'm telling you why my beliefs keep changing.
Why this war keeps raging on.

When I was younger, I used to go to church.
Only for Missionettes,
but that's better than nothing right?

I loved it!
I loved God, my girls, my church. 
I loved it all.


Somewhere in there,
in all the Bible readings, the memorization of verses, the camps&retreats,
somewhere something changed in me.

I started questioning everything I was learning and reading.

My Dad was surely a man of God...wasn't he?
We didn't go to Church, but he always carried a token with the Serenity Prayer on it.
He always helped others, even if he went without.
He adopted me, both for me and himself.
But he used to drink and use drugs.

He quit. He got help.
He regularly attended AA and NA, as did I.
But did God forgive him?

At what point can God not forgive you anymore?
Some say he can forgive anything,
some say he can't.
Are drugs and drinking past the line?
Or is that line meant for more serious things like rape and murder?

How do you know when one goes too far past that line?
Can you ever return?

These questions in my mind ate away at me at Church. 
The more questions I asked, the more that were aked back.

I was judged. Bad.

"Your mom is a lesbian..Don't you know she's going to hell?"
"Since both your parents are gay, you're going to be too you know... you're all going to rot in hell together."
"You like bands like KISS? You know they worship the devil don't you?"

I left the Church.
I left the Bible.
I left God.

via

I was happy with my decision. 
My life got so much simpler.
I grew up, the girls grew up.
That was that.

Then there was a bad time in life.
(I posted about it yesterday, read it here)
I didn't know who to turn to, who to help.
I crossed that line.
I knew it. 
There was no way out.

I either died, or I chose God.

How dare my mind make that a hard decision for me.
How dare my mind take me into those dark places.
How dare God let me go there.
That's how I made my choice.

But guess what?
I'm still here.
God showed me that even when I want to make my own decisions,
even when I think there's no other way,
no one  left to save me.
There he is.
He made his choice, and it finalized mine.

Okay, I get it.
You made your point.
I'm here God.
I'm hanging on.
Thank you.




Thursday, August 9, 2012

Have you ever hit rock bottom?

I most certainly have. 

I have made so many mistakes in life, and I'm only 20.
I wouldn't go back and change any though. 
No regrets.

My senior year in High School I got wrapped up in a world I never thought possible.
I did stupid things, so many stupid things.
Horrible, harmful things. 

I hit rock bottom.

It just hit me, I woke up one morning wondering what the point of waking up was?
Why should I go to school?
I have no friends left.
Why should I leave my room?
My family has no love for me.
Why should I talk to my boyfriend?
Surely he doesn't love me.
The whole world was resting on my shoulders and not on person cared.

On the happiest night I had in what seemed like years,
I decided it was time.

via

It just so happened I was with a group of friends and we were out of town.
I took a bunch of pills.
I continued ice skating the night away.
I was finally free, that huge weight on my shoulders?
Gone.
I had an amazing night.

I remember getting in the car.
Middle of the backseat. Safe and Snug.
I remember eating lemonheads.
But where did they come from?
I remember listening to music.
My heart was racing.
I remember my friends yelling at me.
I couldn't sit up.
I remember the look of panic on her face.
Why can't I stop laughing?
I remember the anger and hurt in her eyes.
I couldn't say I love you.

I woke up the next morning in my living room.
Glasses no where to be found ( I'm nearly blind people!)
I went in my room panicking, found my boyfriend passed out on the couch.
I begged him to tell me what was going on.
Where am I? What happened? How did I get home?

He had no answers.
How did he have no answers?

My room was a mess...
food everywhere,
clothes everywhere.
What happened last night?

I called my best friend.
She was furious.
She was sad.
She was scared.

She told me my boyfriend carried me inside.
Asked me what I took...I had no idea!
Filled in the pieces as best as she could.

via

I went to a Psychiatric Facility 2 days later.
I stayed for a week.
My life changed for the better.

I am so thankful I have a best friend who will always stand by my side,
even when I do so many wrongs.
I'm thankful for a family who didn't want to see me go, but knew I needed help they could no longer give me.
I'm thankful for said boyfriend taking that as his hint to leave, I'm who I am because you ruined me.

But I don't regret you.
I don't regret my choices.
I don't regret that night.

I have not done any drugs, drank, self mutilated, 
thought about suicide, or given up hope since that night.

I am so strong.
I will always be there for you.
I can get through 
a n y t h i n g.






Saturday, August 4, 2012

Perspective Photo Challenege : Life

I have some rather serious posts coming up,
I honestly had no idea how to pop some happy up around them.
I was wandering aimlessly around the blogworld 
(you know what I'm talking about!)
&Realized Lena from Mom 2 Memphis and Ruby has her own Photo Link up on her Photography blog!

How Perfect :)

This weeks theme is:

Life

(Seriously, she must be listening in on my thoughts...Love you Lena!)

Here are my 3 photos :)





This is my nephew Caleb. He was born at 27 weeks, this was one of the first times I saw him without CPAP :)
Caleb is turning 5 next month

You'll be seeing a little more of him soon!


The littles in my life are what keep me going!
This is probably the worst picture of myself, 
but 2 of my boys are looking mighty good!


There are so many things I love about this picture,
his too short pants,
my love for moccasins no matter what,
crazy hair,
true smiles,
beautiful scenery.

It sucks not being with him,
but so many things in life are better and different because of him.


I think you can tell my life is all about the people in it.
Not myself.
But you. And them.

Perspective

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Don't you love giveaways?


Once Upon a time, back in February or early March,
I won a giveaway over at 5ohWifey's blog.

I received some AWESOME stuff,
like a hair clip.
And some ad space, and gift cards that I've long spent.
(And Now have things to show you!)

But since we were moving, as soon as I received this one particular gift, 
I packed it.

&I just found it and you just have to see it!

A BEAUTIFUL ring!

Etsy Shop


Monday, July 30, 2012

Four-Eyes

Do you remember when we were younger,
having eyeglasses was a dorky thing?
Now there are so many type of glasses that people actually wear them when they don't need them.

When I first got glasses, I was devastated. 
Talk about kids being cruel!

Now I love them!
Especially the affordable frames over at GlassesUSA.com!

I was hesitant about ever buying glasses online, because let's be honest..some frames are
UGLY.

But GlassesUSA has it all figured out!

They have this awesome Virtual Mirror feature for you to try them on before you buy!


These are the frames seen above.
You can use your own picture, or use one they provide.
(which I did, because I'm not usually blogging looking my hottest!)



I still have about a year left until my insurance covers a new eye exam,
(and of course my eyes always get worse)
but I can't wait until then so I can order glasses online!

Go check out their facebook & twitter where they keep you in the loop on the best deals!

The next 2 days ONLY:
Use code: ENDOFJULY for 50% off and free shipping!

Slash Bash say Whaaaat?


Meet Nichelle and Elise. Nichelle blogs at Vintage Wanna Bee and Elise blogs at Elise's Pieces
They are BFFs and they think they are way funny slash, they are actually pretty funny.

Elise and Nichelle met in a Women's Organization that focused on personal growth, faith and sisterhood. After becoming besties, and realizing they blog were obsessed with blogging, they decided to create 




The Slash Blog is a sisterhood that focuses on faith, friendship, service and sisterhood. 

The Slash Blog is officially live as of today! Head on over to check out this new blog that focuses on and is based on friendship. Elise slash Nichelle invite you to join along with their Weekly Inspirations, Weekly Challenges, Weekly Uplifting Printables, Monthly Serviced Projects and more! Head on over to the blog, 'Join The Sisterhood', or just come by to get a smile or a laugh! 

Check out The Slash Blog here:


The Slash Blog is also having a "Slash Bash" in honor of the new blog launch!
If you are in Northern Utah, or Southern Idaho, Elise slash Nichelle invite you to come to this Super Awesome Blog Party! Please RSVP on the facebook event here. 



If you would like to get involved, have questions, want to say hello, have a funny joke, or have a charity or organization you would like to see on The Slash Blog, you can send an email to The Slash Girls at:
theslashblog@gmail.com




Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wordless Wednesday



Enjoying the simple things,
Popcorn and a movie!
(no idea why there was toilet paper in the kitchen!)



and
 then, she {snapped}

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Sprinkling a bit of happiness


I am so very excited to have Melissa on my blog today!
She's going to tell you about herself in a minute so I'm not going to or her post would have little effect ;)

But let's just say you won't leave her blog without being hungry, or itching to make something cute! I LOVE this idea and wish I had the room in our kitchen to do it.
Definitely something I will be doing once I have my own place ;)

---------------------------------------------------------

Hola all of Meghan's wonderful readers! I'm Melissa and I blog over at 20 Going on 80. I am so excited to be hijacking Meghan's blog today to share with you a little craft project!
As my blog name suggests, I’m a twenty something who often gets told she’s a grandma. (It’s also self admitted, so don’t feel bad for me. Ha!) On my blog, you will find my favorite recipes, diy project ideas, free printables, design inspiration, my favorite outfits, a few other random things. Like, how I am a kitchen gadget hoarder. You know, the usual life of a college student. Oh wait...
This is me on a good day. Don't let that photo of me frolicking in a field of flowers fool you. The other 75% of the time, I'm in gym shorts and a tank top.
Since I know how much Meghan loves to thrift, I thought this next little makeover would be fun to share with all of you!
One of my biggest kitchen obsessions is my sprinkle collection. Yup, that's right. I am a certified sprinkle collector.  So when I came across this spice rack at Goodwill I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it!  And that was to turn this old school wooden spice rack into a sprinkle displayer.  Best part?  I only paid $5 for it!
And...Here it is after its little makeover!
(Just added a few coats of white spray paint and some labels I designed and printed out!)
It's been a great way to store all my sprinkles without having them overflowing in my cabinet!
Note: This isn't even all my sprinkles...there's more hiding back home :)
Thank you to Meghan for having me today! I hope you all enjoyed this little project! I'm off to get some baking done, where I just might have to put this collection to use :)
You can find more tutorials, recipes, and printables over at my blog!
 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Highlight!

As most of you know by now,
I have had so many things going on in my life that I took an accidental bloggy vacation!

I have missed you all so much, 
and I have missed writing just as much!

I have a ton of new posts scheduled and ready to go (as well as my first book review!)
and I am so excited for it all to be coming your way.

But first things first,
my June sponsors got sadly ignored, 
so I extended them all into July!

So here is a small portion of the loveliness I have over in my sidebar!
Check 'em out!



Hey yall! I'm Cassie & reside in the great state of Texas. Live.Laugh.L0ve. is my home away from home where I share our journey through this beautiful crazy life. I am a daughter of God. Wife to a great husband. Momma of two adorable energetic boys. I live life to the fullest & love the color red! I also own a shop called The Spontaneous Designer where I create a variety of different items that are all made with love! 


Hello new friends!! I'm so happy to be here today and to get the opportunity to meet you all.
My name is Brooke, and I blog over at Covered in Grace. There, I write about life as a mother, student, military wife, photog wannabe, writer and Jesus lover. My blog centers around my faith and all the things that I love. Every Monday I feature a new blogger via guest post in a link up called Monday Meet Ups. Most recently, I launched a web of Prayer Warriors that call out for prayer requests all around blogland. I'm really excited to see where that will go. I would love it if you'd stop by and visit me from time to time!


Hi, my name is Salena!  I am the voice behind A Little Piece of Me.  I live in Hawaii on the island of O'ahu.  I am a wife, mother of 6, SAHM to my 3 little girls and also have 3 grandkids.  My favorite color is pink but it changes depending on my mood.  I love iced specialty coffees and diet coke.  I am obsessed with Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice and spend too much time on my computer usually tweaking my blog design or pinning on Pinterest.

I blog because I want to share my life with others in hopes to inspire them. It's a joy for me to talk with others and to connect with their life experiences and to share mine. I created “A Little Piece of Me” in hopes to fulfill this passion of mine. My blog centers around my daily life, faith, marriage, parenting, things that interest me, what I'm passionate about and basically just where my heart thoughts lead me.  I also have a handmade shop where you can find cute shabby chic accessories and other goodies with Hawaiian influences in them.  I'd love for you to come check out my blog or shop sometime!




Hi!  My name is Kelley and I blog over at the Grant life.  I'm a momma to two blonde haired, blue eyed babies and I run a little online store called loveables.  I love diet coke, How I Met Your Mother, twitter and anything with sugar.  Throw in a rainy day where I can snuggle with my babies and I'm a happy lady. 





Friday, July 13, 2012

Is anybody out there?

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world dealing with babyloss,
then I remember how many ladies this really affects,
and how many of my sweet readers it affects.
I wish I was the only one.
I would never in a million years wish for this heartache to be felt by another person.

It's not fair.

As most of you got from "The Struggling Cyster",
I have PCOS.

Because of this, I rarely have a period,
(somehow I have gotten pregnant twice...guess who now believes in miracles?)
so I commonly take pregnancy tests.
At least one a month.


And when I see two line, or a plus sign,
I cry.
Happy tears, sad tears, scared tears.

What if I lose this baby too?
Can I truly handle miscarrying AGAIN!?

What if this baby makes it full term?
Will it be healthy?
Will it have problems?
Will it be stillborn?

I wonder, 
do moms without any problems or scares ever feel this way?

I don't know how those women feel.
But I sure hope that most women aren't scared every single day.



I took a pregnancy test last week,
and I will take one next week.

Then I won't for a long while, because Dustin and I are apart for 5 months.

Deep down inside, I always hope for that positive,
even when every ounce of me knows it is a negative.

I honestly don't care if my baby has problems, or my baby is not perfect to someone else.
It will always be perfect to me.
And I want it just the way it is.

One day I will have children.
They may not come out of me,
but they will be mine.

And lord help us all,
I will be the queen of mommy bloggers once that day arrives ;)