Thursday, April 28, 2011

Growing & Changing

I realized today, that so many things in my life are changing. I am growing as a person, I am slowly becoming the person I have always dreamed of being and there is no better feeling than knowing that I am achieving this!

*I have been accepted to college, paid my deposit, scheduled ,my orientation, and soon I will have my financial aid sorted out. This is a big deal. I have taken a year off from college, unintentionally, and I am so ready to start. I am ready to start my life. No excuses, this is it.

*I found out a very close friend of the family is in the hospital and in a coma. No one knows why this happened, but thankfully she is stable. (Prayers Please!) She has been there for my mom since before I was born, and I am hoping that if it is her time to go, that it can wait until I am home to say my goodbyes. I know my mom is having a hard time with this, and I just hope everything works out.

*My godson is officially at 24 weeks gestation! Woohoo! Past the halfway point. His mommy has been in my life since I was very young, and although we aren't technically related, we say we are cousins. We're doing his nursery in Turtles&Frogs. I cannot wait to decorate it with his mommy! Her life is changing, she has someone new to care for, but she has always wanted this, this is her dream. And it's here. I love you Parker! <3

*My job is crazy, I learn so much. I love it so much. Yeah, I may have a screaming, smelly kid every now and then. It's the ones who sit there so perfectly, and when mom&dad she the pictures, their faces light up, that make it everything I could every want. When I do a sitting with a newborn, and they lay so peacefully and let me shoot away, I know I am doing what is best for me. I love taking pictures!

*Speaking of pictures, and my godson, I am doing Maternity pictures in June/July for them, I will have to get permission to post a couple pictures! And of course, I will be doing his pictures growing up. This little guy is already spoiled :)

*I'm going back to Ohio. In 34 days. I gave my boyfriend the choice to come with me, because that is why I moved here. To be with him. But he has to step up and get the money himself plus be able to pay my mom rent. It's going to be hard, but if he can do it, I will be so proud. Otherwise I suppose we are done. I miss Ohio, everything there, everyone there. And the new friends I have made back home since being gone.

*I feel like such a stronger person than I was 7 months ago when I left home. Wow. Seven months. Over a half a year. I still can't get over how long it has been. I miss my mom, and slowly I see parts of her growing in me. Oh god, when they told me I was going to be my mom when I grew up, I never really believed it! That's okay by me though, my mom is one amazing, and strong woman. If I become half the person she is, I will be happy <3

Now that I have successfully caught up with my blog, I am heading out of here. Eye doctor appointment soon, which means new glasses! Which means, I will post a picture :)


p.s. Check out Boyce Avenue! They are amazing!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Money Money!

Best thing about my job : Knowing that I am making kids smile, and knowing that parents now have a good picture of their kid. I love making my camera room a fun place, if I don't have fun, I know the kids aren't.

Nice bonus about my job : Money!

I have been able to help out here, buy my boyfriend and I an amazing date(more details later!), buy myself things I need, and want of course :P, and get a plane ticket home. With money to spare!

I've been having a great week, work has been good, talked to my mom and my friends a ton, and my boyfriend and I are great :D

So yesterday was Dustin & I's 1 year anniversary. I had to work, but he took me to work, and then he surprised me by coming back when I got off. We did some shopping (in which there was minimal complaining by him!!!) and I took him to Friendly's. We got an appetizer and a meal each. Boy were we stuffed! Then we need more shopping(god i love this boy!). I ended up buying my godson yet another onesie(he is not due until August), I got new work shoes, a purse(seriously, he's amazing), and some socks&undies! Woohoo!

We had an incident at work where a customer threw a fit they couldn't get what they wanted(trying to work the system) and it ended up ended pretty badly. Thankfully no one was hurt, but it did result in some crying children.

The new shoes (: A crappy picture, but hey, I had to take it as soon as I put them on.
I have to wear mostly black shoes for work and dress shoes are too uncomfortable, so these are perfect!
The new purse, from Aeropostale, 8.99! Reg. 39.50 :D
And finally, this is how I have been spending my days at work lately, I took this picture especially for my blog....and I know, it's kinda creepy!

And for anyone who like Aeropostale and has one near them, they are having AMAZING sales right now, I spent under $20 on a purse and 4 pairs of underwear. Everything is 50% off or more!


p.s. How horrible is it that we didn't take a picture one our 1 year? Oops!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011



Noun: A man in relation to his natural child or children.

...And that's all he is to me, a man in relation.
He was never there growing up, never there emotionally, physically, financially, never there when I needed him.

This post, I am going to write a letter to my Dad, and to my father. They are two different people. And for everybody who doesn't know my story, I will give you a very brief glimpse at how complicated my family really is.

My mom's a lesbian. I wasn't planned AT ALL.
My "father" didn't want me and chose not to be a part of my life. 
My Dad adopted me when I was 5. It was one of the best things to happen to me.
Unfortunately, he died when I was 11. One of the worst days of my life.

Dear Frank(father),
I despise you. I wouldn't say I hate you, because a part of me loves you. I love you for giving me life. I love you for allowing my Dad to adopt me. I love you for giving me the most amazing brother in the world. I hate you for being immature when he was born and allowing what happened to him, happen. I hate you for not wanting me when I was born, but now that I'm older I am happy. I love you for my two beautiful sisters, even if they don't know me anymore.
I love that because of everything you have put me through, I am the person I am today.
I wish that you would grow up and acknowledge my existence. I'm here ya know? I don't want you, you don't want me. Great. Perfect, but can't we be civil? Talk once a year, make sure we're alive...all the good stuff. But nope. You'd rather go years between talking. Fine. I officially give up on you. But I swear to you, I refuse to give up on my brother. I love him to much.
Sincerely, with a big 'ol Screw You,

Dear Michael/Mike/Mikey(dad),
How could this happen? Why did you have to leave me? You are one of the most amazing men I have ever met. You have touched the lives of so many people. On May 8th, it will be eight years without you. Some days it take everything I have in me to even function without you, and some days, I barely remember you. That scares me to death. What if one day I wake up, and I can't remember you? Sometimes I can smell you, and for people who think it is linked to something specific, it isn't. I was 11 when you died. And I don't remember enough about you to be able to pin-point a smell. Sometimes I just know you're here. You give me so much strength Dad. You are my inspiration. I want to live, and live the most fulfilled life I can. But by my standards. Not societies. Just like you did. I miss you Dad, and I would do anything to bring you back. I'm sorry I can't visit your grave this year. I can't afford to fly home for the weekend. But know, that wherever I am, I am always thinking about you. Your picture is on my cork board alongside the ornament I got "from you" or Christmas. There is not a day I don't think about you.
I love you so much, Your daughter,

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Dear Parker Dean,
I cannot wait to meet you! You are not even half way done baking in mommy's tummy, and you have us extremely excited. I have already bought you two outfits, and I know by the time you get here, I will have bought you so much stuff that your mommy will be complaining! But that's how it is supposed to be :)
Your daddy doesn't always show it, but he is excited too.
Once you get here, summer will almost be over, but I want to take pictures of you outside, so you are going to become acquainted with baby sun block very quickly :P
Please try and make mommy comfortable these next couple months.

p.s. A better blog will be up late tonight/early tomorrow!