Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world dealing with babyloss,
then I remember how many ladies this really affects,
and how many of my sweet readers it affects.
I wish I was the only one.
I would never in a million years wish for this heartache to be felt by another person.
It's not fair.
As most of you got from "The Struggling Cyster",
I have PCOS.
Because of this, I rarely have a period,
(somehow I have gotten pregnant twice...guess who now believes in miracles?)
so I commonly take pregnancy tests.
At least one a month.
And when I see two line, or a plus sign,
Happy tears, sad tears, scared tears.
What if I lose this baby too?
Can I truly handle miscarrying AGAIN!?
What if this baby makes it full term?
Will it be healthy?
Will it have problems?
Will it be stillborn?
do moms without any problems or scares ever feel this way?
I don't know how those women feel.
But I sure hope that most women aren't scared every single day.
I took a pregnancy test last week,
and I will take one next week.
Then I won't for a long while, because Dustin and I are apart for 5 months.
Deep down inside, I always hope for that positive,
even when every ounce of me knows it is a negative.
I honestly don't care if my baby has problems, or my baby is not perfect to someone else.
It will always be perfect to me.
And I want it just the way it is.
One day I will have children.
They may not come out of me,
but they will be mine.
And lord help us all,
I will be the queen of mommy bloggers once that day arrives ;)