I have been debating this blog post since October. This is probably one of the hardest things I have done. Writing these words, my heart is breaking. I chose to write this in a public place, a place where I cannot let myself have a panic attack, a place where I must remain calm. At least on the outside.
In October, I had a miscarriage. At home. Alone. Not many people knew I had found out I was pregnant. I was not ready to tell people yet, by the time I was comfortable with it, I lost my baby. I never found out the sex, but in my heart I knew it was a girl. I named her, Isobel Arjana. I bought her clothes, shoes, a blanket. I keep them all hidden away in a bag. I've been meaning to buy a box and make her a memorial box, I am crafty enough and by all means she deserves it. But I never did, no excuses. Every time I go look at the boxes at our craft store I get sad and leave.
Last Thursday, someone I went to High School with(she is still very young) had her twin boys 15 weeks early. My heart broke when I found out one little boy only made it 12 hours. On Saturday, the other one left this world to be with his brother. I will not say their names out of respect and privacy, but I cannot begin to imagine what she is going through right now.
I decided that now is the time to make my little Izzy's memorial box, and since I will already be there, I am going to get her one too. I am not her friend. We do not personally know each other. But she deserves this. Her little boys deserve this. Our mothers work together, and I will give it to her. I will share my story with her while I give her something to hold onto, and maybe one day she can share hers with a heartbroken mommy who needs someone.
She is a mommy. She has two angel babies watching her from above. I hate when people tell me that I am not a mother. I am a mommy, and always will be. She is incredibly strong, and I hope by reaching out to her, I can make a difference. Even if it the tiniest different in her life.
Today I leave you very heavy hearted, Please pray for her heart to heal, and for anyone you know who has lost a child too soon. <3