Sleep Number

**Disclosure: Sleep Number provided me a bed in exchange for a review. However, all opinions are my own**

Have you ever been to a Sleep Number store?

I hadn't prior to my visit and I had no idea what to expect.
I have been to other mattress stores where you walk in, lay on a few beds, and leave.

Sleep Number is not like this at all!

I went in and explained to the staff why I was there and they were so excited! The entire staff went with us through the process of choosing our bed and loved hearing about my blog and my journeys in life. I seriously felt like a celebrity!

They had me lay on  bed with a computer attached to show where I am the heaviest, then dropped me down to my sleep number to show the change in pressure on my body. The bottom part was the biggest relief ever on my lower back, I honestly couldn't believe how great it felt!

This is the bed we ultimately chose, if only we could have afforded that adjustable base ;)

It was seriously heavenly, I may just have a secret savings fund for that sucker!

These were the two beds we were able to choose from,

The M7

and The P5

This is just half the staff that we were with that day. I cannot stress enough how much I have loved everyone I met while working with this company, both in person and through email and phone conversations!

Painful Memories

The other day I was getting ready for work in my bathroom,

our bathroom has mirrors almost every direction you turn,

and I caught a glimpse of my stomach and told Dustin that it looked like a "mom belly".

C'mon, you know what I mean. Kinda saggy, stretched skin, stretch marks.

And he turns and says, "Well you are a mom."

For some strange reason it came as a surprise that he considers me a mom.

I thought I was the only one who thought of me as a mom.

I don't get to carry my babies with me, and show them off.

They're only in my heart and mind.

I was with some friends the other day and they said,

"Well you wouldn't understand because you're not a mom."

And my heart broke right then and there.

Maybe I'm not actually a mom.

She said so herself.

via

It's crazy how a contant battle in my own mind is if I am a mom or not.

I know I am.

I carried those babies.

I birthed those babies.

I may not have them here with me, 

My house may not be filled with toys,

I may not have to buy baby items,

but they are my babies. 

And I am a mom.

Sometimes people tell me that my miscarriages were a blessing in disguise.

I'm only 21, I'm too young to have kids.

I barely have enough to cover bills and rent, how could I afford a child?

But my life would change so dramatically if I had my children. They would always come first no matter what.

My babies dying and being in heaven instead of here on Earth is not a blessing. Not one bit.

I've battled with this for several years now,

but I just step back and remember,

I am a Mom.

And to all babyloss momma's who may be reading this,

You are a Mom too.

Distractions

If you check out my blog on a regular basis, it would look like I fell off the face of the Earth.

In reality between all of lifes distractions, Social Media has taken over my only online life.

I am back now, and hopefully I don't leave again for months and months at a time, but if I were you I would head on over to my sidebar and follow me on Instagram&Twitter, I am only slightly addicted!

If you check back in tomorrow, I will give you a slight peek inside our new apartment!
I am thrilled to share all the DIY's as I decorate with junk i collect on a budget :)

It never changes

Press Play on that little sucker,

and then continue reading :)

When I was younger, my Dad died,

8 days after I turned 11, I didn't really know how to handle it.

It messed me up for years.

Anytime I got sad, for any reason,

my mind always went to my Dad,

and the sadness grew.

So what did I do?

Bottle it up.

Keep on going.

Stick a smile on my face.

Eventually it blew up in my face,

bad choices led to me wanting to end my life,

[you can read about it here and here]

and I started to learn that sometimes you have to let it out.

Do you have a specific song that gets you every time?

The song above gets me no matter what.

But now, everything leads me to my dad,

and my daughter.

Something I never thought I would say.

My Dad and my daughter are both in heaven.

Both looking down on me.

I'm happy he is with her,

but I'm miserable that they both aren't with me.

I'm learning to let things out, 

don't let it all build up until I see no way out.

And you help with that.

You read my posts,

you comment, 

you spread encouragement through social media,

you build relationships,

you give me reason.

Thank you.